Double 5

Today is 5.5.2014

I'm just being in my own world. 

Let the picture speak for me!

Breaking point

Everyone has their breaking point.
Once they reach their breaking point, some will commit suicide, depressed, or lost hope.

In this world, there's two types of people, either they are busy living or busy dying.

I don't know if I'm reaching my breaking point. I just feel like things that revolving around is getting annoying. Even you.

I'm so fed up with everything.

So i will either busy dying or busy living?

Haunted

Haunted:

To keep coming back to the mind of someone especially in a way that makes the person sad or upset

Almost every night I'll be in this situation where it's slowly became uncontrollable.

Without any permissions, Images, voices, thoughts, they creep into my mind from nowhere.

I can't find words to replace what I'm feeling right now. 

They like disease, killing my immune system, eaten up every good pieces I got.

Or they'll like bacteria, virus, slowly eaten up my brain.

I'm exhausted with uncontrollable emotions. I'm tighted up with emotions rope, I can't breath.

I want to scream, but there's no voice coming out.

I want to cry out loud, but my tears all dried up.

I want to run, escape and hide, but where is my sanctuary ?

Listen no more to your words, because, every time I'll need to take the consequences of being "haunted".

Elimination is the hardest part. You'll be eliminate if youre not good enough, not up to their expectation, and you're in different range different frequency. 

I think I'm being eliminated by you. Because I no longer your "everything". 

It'll be better if I never meet you, we never bump into the same uni and same course, things will be so different right now. 

You'll have your life, and I'll have mine. 

Now, enough is enough. I don't find it useful for having this emotional thoughts and unwanted thinking ruined my daily life. I need to shut it all down. Shut down my emotional factory. 

"Haunted" will be no more. 

my foolish heart

想不到，我又失恋了。哈哈。我又是那个，伤痕累累，败地一塌糊涂，好失败哦。

我的妈呀，我真不知该如何是好？！

我只知道，我的心现在好像死了似的。只怪我看错人？我愚昧？我懦弱？

不管我多爱一个人，我的结果都还是这样。没人珍惜我所付出的。我笨到极点了吧？

四次的伤痛还不够吗？我不懂我还可以撑到何时。看着朋友们一个一个有了真爱。而我，超失败的。

可能我是一道工具吧？

每一次你的转身而过，换来我的每一次痛彻心扉。

每一次你的出现，都让我好想抱着你。

难道，我做人就那么的卑微？我也不想。而且我是超不爽这样的我。

我恨我自己我那么的爱你。而我得到了什么？我其实可以很潇洒的离开。但是，我太爱你了。

你要自由，我给。

你要快乐，我给。

你要私人空间，我给。

你要出去闯，我OK。

你要我的爱，我统统给你。

我所有最珍贵的，你也拿去了。

我没剩下什么的了。我真的没剩了。

可能，这是我最笨的一次了。

我得到了什么？我没得到什么。

Happiness

Happiness. I think everyone would "fight" for happiness. Why do I state such a strong statement ? People fight for a happy life that they would be wealthy, which wealthy for them is strongly related with "happiness". As people grow older, they tend to forget what is the root of happiness. People think that wealthy, their reputation would give them happiness. Despite of all this, did people really found what they wanted ? 

Still remember, we are once a young innocent soul, happiness is what we have, somehow is something that innate in our life. Nevertheless, as we grow, we trying to achieve parents expectations, try our best to flatter other people or whatsoever, since then we started to "abandoned" this super power. We started to live a life than revolving people, not ourself anymore. 

yet, not everyone appreciate what they have and they thought they bought happiness. 

i have a dream

This is a story about coffee. 
爱情就像喝咖啡一样， 热恋像 Latin 或 Cappuccino 般香醇浓郁；
失恋就犹如喝着苦苦的 pure black coffee。
 爱情能像喝咖啡一样， 同样地日子久了，便会让人上瘾。

When you drink a nice cup of coffee, please don't rush =)
Let the aroma of coffee fill up your everything and wake your sense of smell.
Perhaps, cook yourself a cup of coffee. you personal coffee.
Let yourself judge on the amount of sugar and cream. At certain temperature and amount of water.

What make me love coffee ? actually is a hard question for me :-/

hmm, i guess everything start from the very first sip of coffee in my life (around yr 10 or 11, cuz my parents won't let me drink during ma yound age). I remember that was just a simple black coffee (i think is from Sabah coffee bean). That was an indescribable feeling, the first time i got such relief after drinking a cup of coffee. amazing feeling huh ? haha.

Ever since then, i love studying/reading/playing games/surfing internet with a cup of coffee =p But,the idea of opening my own cafe haven't planted in my mind yet.

So, one day, i came across a book, a love story book which happen in a cafe. There's go, my coffee dream started. I dont know why, this passionate feeling is getting stronger, even though i didnt think about it. And every coffee house that i passed by, i'll observe how they run their business, how they decorate their coffee house. The funny things is, i cant even hide the extra-exicitement-expression from my face. My face will literally show how happy i am when i got to visit every coffee house.

Anyway, these feelings i have is like on and off, sometimes i forget i got such passionate (maybe that time im still young). Easily get excited over things but never stay long, that's my weakness. But i will continue having a cup of coffee for almost like every morning, at least one cup. And i still share my dreams with my friends and family, that i would love to start a coffee house business after i graduate (after degree or master).

You may ask, why I didn't study degree of business. A very good question, haha! i personally think that, first, you have to know how a human think, the psychological way; through this, you'll understand which kind of tactics you should use to start a business. What kind of customer you want ? what place is the most strategic ? what coffee is their favorite ? what type of indoor arrangement that people like ? all questions are around human.

Yes, im a cognitive science student =) so, this is how i began my dream =) hope it continues and succeed one day =p  and i'll name my coffee house ,CARMEN. 

Peace yo xoxo

Life, ..., etc etc

     So, after months (or a year) since i blogged, a lot of things happened. Past few months feels like sitting on a no end roller-coaster. By the way, life is meant to be like that right ? :) after studied one year of cognitive science, you seems to understand a lot of things. But what taught me much is, what I've been through in these months. There's so many things that we haven't reach out, that we don't know yet. 

       So, i started to be more humble, n always love to have deep thoughts moment while i got my own time. It's so important that everyone have a time for self-reflection. Try to be more organize in our own thoughts.Be thoughtful for ourselves and to others as well. The interaction between people is very crucial, no matter you're in what stage of life, always bare in mind that, people you meet now, may help you in the future. This is because, we human are interrelated, and this how God made us.